To all of my fantastic followers, Thank You. As many of you know the past months have been exceedingly difficult. However it is my desire to make One Thrifty Gurl thrive again. I have watched many blogs over the years that fail when they become to big or when the stop hosting giveaways. This blog has simply stopped being written. I love entering and winning giveaways - hosting them is a blast so I hope to bring you more of them in the months to come along with a lot of new content and organization.
I would like to share some uplifting news that I received this week. I would love to say that I discovered that everything is okay medically and I have no problems but instead I bring to you the following:
My heart has two tiny holes in it, these holes are labeled aneurysms but from what I understand are not super-scary. I will have to have a procedure to close these eventually. However; I can bear more children and as long as my heart remains healthy I can wait 7-10 years to have these holes shut. I can return to work, begin enjoying food again and can go to sleep at night without wondering if I'll get to wake up to my beauty's sweet smile.
I am unsure of what I shared of my pregnancy and birth in the past so I have decided to share with you (in the briefest manner) my incredible journey up until now.
In December of 2011 I discovered that I was pregnant. No my pregnancy was not planned, it scared the crap out of me and I was not married at the time. However; I was very excited to become a mother, and would never give the opportunity up.
Throughout my pregnancy I ran into many trials. The first of which is my family medical history: father passed at 38 from unknown disorder, he was adopted so no medical history is known. Due to the nature of his death I got in to see an OB at 5 weeks - the OB seemed to be great and set up the necessary appointments. Pregnancy now labeled as "HIGH RISK".
I began to go the appointments and kept meeting the same wall - I'll title this wall: ABORTION. Time and time again I stated it was not an option, the more I heard it - the more I clung to depression. By 8 weeks pregnant I had no providers for any prenatal care and was told due to the nature of my pregnancy I would have to move to find care. (A little note, this was bullying for asking for different providers and is now being fought.)
I kept running into this wall and as I sank lower I lost more and more weight, hoped to meet my child and felt hopeless. They told me I would die and I was effect killing myself - if it were not for the child growing within me I may have given up entirely.
Eventually I found a doctor that helped me through my pregnancy. He respected my wishes and did not mention abortion or my death as an option. He helped me through varicose veins, blood clots, weight loss, anemia, and fear just to name a few. However; I was still allowing the words from the beginning of my pregnancy to effect me. At 16 weeks I almost miscarried - silently I struggled with this as I clung to hope that my baby would be okay.
She was, I tried to eat more from that day on, and succeeded some days. By my third trimester I had begun crossing off days on a calendar hoping that I'd make it to the next day. I felt alone, burdened and privileged at the same time. I wish I had enjoyed being part of this miracle more. I knew at each point day, week, month what my baby's chances of survival were and was extremely afraid to be alone. I wanted someone to know in case I expired so the could save my little girl.
Fear ruled my life for many months and through this experience I discovered my faith. It made me stronger. As the end of my pregnancy approached I stopped walking up stairs or laughing, these things raised my heart rate and I didn't want to risk dying, yet. Sound morbid, yes, this is where my mind was; always.
On the day that Reagan came into my world I had been preparing both to die and give birth. I had my will, my letters to my husband and child, all the information needed to let them know how I felt for them. I was determined to meet my baby girl and so I blocked out the pain and after about 7 hours in labor, less than 5 at the hospital I pushed out a beautiful baby in 3 pushes.
No drugs, no death and no disappointment - there was now a beautiful child laying on my stomach screaming. I got to meet her and have had the privilege to watch her grow for many months. My fear did not end at birth and neither did the medical concerns. However; I would not undo any of it. Being a mother is what I was meant to be. Morbidly I still have goals for things I want to do but at least I have been cleared for a time to enjoy the world around me.
This week a huge weight was lifted from my life and a new one was added. I am not dying tomorrow (Lord willing) and I have an opportunity to help other women and to share my story. To share all of my stories.
Knowing that I am okay is good news. I have written this post to share how I have changed. I will be revamping my blog, deleting some past posts and I hope to bring you many new things. If you have a story that you would like to tell, send it to me, maybe you cannot write much but you think you can make a difference, I would love to share it for you. Together we can make an impact, I will continue to share my opinions on products and such but would like to tie in some real-life posts.